Okay, fine. I’ll admit it. I was wrong. Did you read that? Let me say it again. I was wrong. I don’t have a problem admitting when I’m wrong, except when I’m not. The problem I often have is getting others…you know who you are…to admit when I’m right. However, as rare as it may seem, I was wrong. So wrong.
As a teen, I swore I’d never grow up. I’d always be a kid at heart and I’ll never forget the trials and tribulations of teenage life. The blood, sweat, and tears of adolescent anguish should have prepared me to guide my own children along the treacherous path.
Sadly, this has not been the case. And I never saw it coming! No one warned me, no signs were given, no hint at what was to come.
I’m not old by any means, but just three short years from now will mark my fourth decade on the planet. Forty years! That’s equal to almost seven million music videos (when MTV played music videos), more than three hundred and fifty thousand episodes of Seinfeld, or about eighty thousand Saturday morning cartoons!!!
So, set your DVR for the five o’clock news, grab your fiber bar and your can of Ensure, and take a look at the list I’ve compiled that may tell you if you’re nearing the apex of your existence. For some of us, it may be too late, but there’s still hope for others.
Top 10 Signs You’re Nearly Over the Hill
10. Only you and the old guy on late night TV are still doing Top 10 lists. Everyone else is doing top fives now, grandpa.
9. Going to a late movie depends on what’s happening the next day. Even though you’ll probably sleep through the important scene with Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep, you’ll still hit the snooze button more than once, if you have an early start the next morning.
8. When talking to today’s youths, if you’ve ever said, “when I was your age…” or “when you’re my age…”After doing the math in your head (or on your fingers), you’ve declared, “Hmmm, I was only ____ when you were born.” Also works if you were in high school, married, had kids, or had your first DWI before said person was born.
7. If you’ve ever referred to the younger generation as “today’s youth”.
6. Wait…what was number six???
5. If you wake up before your alarm because you have to pee.
4. You’ve already begun to create lists.
3. A hot date consists of sitting outside the Olive Garden on a hot and humid afternoon in Houston, followed by waiting for the AC to start working as you angrily drive away from the parking lot because the service was not up to your standards.
2. You plan your day according to the weather forecast and still decide not to do anything because you can never really trust weathermen, can you? Or politicians, for that matter. Or the guy who refuses to mow his lawn in the same direction as every other neighbor on the street. Damn rebellious Commie/hippie. It wasn’t this way in the old days…
Did you ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for???? Let me go back out and come back in and we’ll see if I can remember…